Games

Last night I spent seven hours as banker for a suspenseful game of Settlers of Catan. The players were Husband, Chill Son, Master Player Bryan and two Newbies. Good thing someone practical (our host) grilled sausages to provide a meal in the middle to keep up their strength for the dramatic ending. Chill Son was holding in his hands the cards he needed to win and (living up to his name) was sounding pretty confident nothing could stop him, no matter what catastrophic  choices the others made. Bad move. Stealing merchants, displacing knights, and removing roads, the rest took up the challenge, of course, and wore him down. It was a few more turns before he made his 13 points. Then (since the game obviously hadn’t gone long enough) the guys decided to allow a grace round (Grace? Where?) to catch up. Immediately Master Player dropped Chill Son to 11 and made 13 himself. Then Husband went up to 14. Who was going to match that? Then First Newbie hit 13 and dropped Husband  back to 12. Chill Son quietly caught up. Husband went down to 12. Another grace round. It was 11 pm! This could go on forever! Banker Mom was getting the picture and fading fast so called a truce and a three way tie. Seven hours of fun were had by all.

Beyond the obvious, that grace rounds don’t belong in Settlers of Catan games and that predicting winners is a bad idea, I was noticing other things, too, as I counted out resource and commodity cards. One was how happy I was just being there, sitting next to Chill Son, whom I’ve not seen for five months, watching him so calmly lay out his strategy, get taken down by the rest, and come back. There would have been a time he couldn’t have borne it. He’s grown up. Two was that it didn’t matter to me what we all did together, as long as we were all there, doing it together. As an introvert I don’t mind being on the periphery when something else is happening  to fill up the conversation because I can run out of words if there are three people in the room. And games can tell you a lot about people. Just look at my new taste for Quiddler (not related to the other Q game that you are thinking of).

What struck me most was how much life training my Chill Son has received--from others--through these games. Someone said never to trust someone who cheats at games, no matter what moral standards he defends. It’s the habits that give away character. And I thought of the hundreds of hours Master Player has invested in guys like my son, just playing games, teaching such skills as how to use strategy,  how to abide by rules, how to control your tongue when you’re angry, how to lose. (Chill Son got lots of practice at that with Master Player, and my dad did the same for me, pushing me to think, to learn, to lose again and again in good grace, in preparation for losing in life.) Remember the news stories about how young elephants would go rogue if the older bulls weren’t around to train them?

I wonder how many people have helped me train my kids in the things that really matter, in things they needed modeled rather than taught. I wonder how much I have other people like Master Player to thank for my son’s choices today. My guess is that all of us have a great deal more thanking to do than we realize. Maybe especially parents. Thank Goodness it’s far more of a team effort than we will ever know.