Thoughts before albation

Thoughts before ablation:

When you go through big things, tragic things, like a suicide in the family, or cancer, or an addiction, one of the things that happens is that you are set apart from the norm in society. You’re different. You stand out, and people don’t understand your language anymore. (I have now joined the select group of people that knows—sort of—what an ablation is, not to be confused with oblation—an offering to a deity, or ablution—a ritual washing). You have acquired a culture and a vocabulary that the people around you may not share. Our teenagers feel this sometimes, “Mom, you just don’t understand!”  How many of us have heard that? They are saying they have moved into a new culture, and we don’t share it. Some people (and parents) are better than others at recognizing new cultures when they come across them, and adjusting, and moving in and out of the various worlds they inhabit. Others aren’t as flexible, grieving more when they lose one world, or getting angry or depressed. It’s not only people traveling to new countries that suffer culture shock.

One way our society deals with culture shock at home is by forming “support” groups. You have AA groups, Prime timer groups (age 55+), New Mom support groups—groups for just about everything. (My friend Janey made some of her best friends in one of those Mom groups, becoming Mom to them, too, in a way, because she was a lot older than them, having had her first baby somewhere around 40.) Retreats for youth or women or missionaries or whoever, are short-lived support groups, times when one particular group celebrates its own shared culture, letting it all hang out, especially the bits about how hard it is to adjust to everyone else.

ablation (wearing away) of a glacier

I’ve been a part of a number of support groups here. I was in a 6 week support group for cancer survivors, learning to play ukulele. The teacher was trying to stretch out our culture to include positive things about our visits to the hospital, so that this particular culture wouldn’t be so grim. Janey twisted my arm to go to a post-mastectomy support group in Hamilton because she thought the teacher (her Zumba instructor) was cool. I thought so, too. When we were doing our arm exercises in the pool, she reached inside her suit (mastectomy bras and swim suits have special pockets), took out her bead-filled “been a boob” (get it?) and tossed it to someone outside the pool. “Hey, some good has to come out of this. Who else can throw their breast across the pool?” she demanded. We understood. We shared her culture. When I first walked into her classroom (glozdrum, as my Syrian friend would pronounce it. Come to think of it, Janey, and Michelle, and several others and I are her support group…and we can’t even understand her language!), two women were talking about how many Herceptin treatments they had left. “I’m done in March.” “I’m done in April.” “Me, too,” I wanted to add. This was a group of women I didn’t have to explain things to. We were all adjusting (or not) together.

Bible studies are support groups, too, in a way. Goodness knows we Christians have our own culture to manage in this world. We share our concerns, and pray for each other, and hold each other accountable in these groups. My BSF group holds me accountable for getting through the book of Revelation, studying it thoroughly and being prepared to share my insights with other “scholars.” I’m in another Bible study group, and this one deals more with character. How do I match what I do with what I say? That was the topic of last week’s discussion, coming from Jesus’ tongue lashing of the Pharisees, who put aside God’s Law (to care for their parents) by creating a loop hole called Corban Law. How many loop holes do we carve into our Christian culture today so that we don’t really have to obey him? Often we adjust…the wrong way.

oblation to a deity

ablution (ritual washing)

We need a Support Group to call us on such things. And there is one. Jesus thought of that, too, among other things. He helps us adjust to his Culture, which brings its own Culture Shock—perhaps the most za’ab (difficult) of all.